There are a number of challenges I have to face in recovery.
The biggest challenges are obviously FOOD and TRAINING.
- My brain needs to be rewired so I can be able to eat whatever food whenever I want (or whenever it is presented) without fear or anxiety.
- My brain needs to be rewired so I can train for weightlifting without it being compulsive or used as a means of purging/restriction.
That’s a lot of brain re-wiring.
I first read about this concept from Tabitha Farrar, and I TOTALLY agree that in order to re-train one’s brain to see food as just FOOD and not something to be demonized, I have to identify the rules I have regarding food and move in the opposite direction. I made a few YouTube videos and wrote about some of the challenges I know I need to face, and WOW! I went full force into eating and eating and eating. But since then, I kinda petered out. Although I was a bit more free in what I consumed, I also resorted back to adhering to some of my food fallacies (Fast acting carbs after training!!! Don’t eat fat after working out!!!). And I could feel the ED voice creeping…creeping…creeping…
I know that at this moment, I have to follow a base meal plan (breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack) as the bare minimum. But that is not all. The base meal plan will ensure that I am at least eating throughout the day, but to add to that template (and really challenge the ED voice), I also need to re-establish questioning and breaking my food rules. For me, that will mean doing something scary or anxiety producing (food-wise) at least once a day. What will this look like? For example, it would mean eating the following:
- Burgers and fries
- Pancakes and eggs
- Chicken katsu with rice and Mac salad (or basically, any kind of plate lunch)
- Clubhouse sandwich
- Spaghetti that is not just marinara…or even better, lasagna
- Pizza that is not vegetarian
- My meal plan meal before training
Number eight is very tricky, as a lot of my food rules also go hand in hand with an exercise rule. Namely, I cannot workout if I have a full stomach. That rule sounds incredibly odd. Like, very very odd. Who wants to do something when their stomaches are audibly growling??? Well, me. And not because I like the feeling of being weak with hunger–it’s more because the thought that “fasted training will burn fat” has been ingrained in my head for so long (since marathon running days to be exact) that heading to the gym NOT having eaten anything has become normalized.
So today, I am challenging rule number 8. The kiddos and I are going to the gym later this morning. It is currently 6am. After I am finished with this post, I will head to the kitchen and eat my turkey sandwich with pretzels and fruit (yup, I like eating unconventional breakfasts!). I can anticipate some fear and anxiety as I sit down to my plate of food. So while eating, I plan on watching some kind of inspirational YouTube video to get me in the right head space (Tabitha Farrar! Rebecca Leung!).
What are some of the food rules you are challenging to break? What is your plan of attack to break down those rules? I’d love to hear your comments! Please share below!! 🙂