Another meet in the books.
Another opportunity to learn.
And happily, this was a good meet. No, actually, it was a great meet.
I didn’t PR. I didn’t attempt weights that were excessively greater than I normally lift.
To the outside eye, it may seem like I didn’t challenge myself. But in reality, this was one tough meet, and I am thrilled with the outcome.
A few months ago, I had basically written off weightlifting. I was burned out, mentally and physically. I didn’t touch a barbell for a good month. So reason number one why this meet turned out so grand is that I fell back in love with the sport while preparing for the competition. Oddly enough, the feel of the hook grip as I cleaned actually made me smile. I looked forward to heavy squat days. I could envision what I wanted my legs and back and shoulders to be doing throughout the different phases of the traditional lifts. I could see how my knees should go in the jerk.
I felt rejuvenated, and as I warmed up for my initial snatch this weekend in the warm-up room, I felt a sense of calm and joy.
But then, I got a bit thrown off. My husband was helping me mathematically plan out how much rest to take between my warm-up lifts, but timing got miscalculated, and things were not going to plan. I could tell my husband was getting anxious. Heck, I was starting to get really anxious. And that anxiety led to me doubting.
What if I can’t make this lift? What will my third attempt be then?? What should I do???
But then, I took a breath. A really long, slow, deep breath. And I prayed. I asked for God’s grace and wisdom and strength. And all felt right. So reason number two why this meet was so great is that I was able to maintain mental strength…and in the end, also make my opening attempts.
The weights I lifted were pretty conservative, meaning they weren’t numbers I hadn’t ever hit before. But, they were numbers I hadn’t attempted this past training cycle. Since I was just getting back into weightlifting after taking the month or so off barbell work, I was really using this training period to regain some semblance of strength and technique. So to hit all six lifts (6 for 6!!!) and qualify for Masters Nationals in the process was a win for me–and reason number three why this meet rocked.
Finally, my body weight. Oh yes, my weight. I wanted to compete in the 49kg class, but no, I didn’t make it to that number. I still competed as a 45kg. But here’s the great news: I didn’t restrict any intake because of the anxiety I was feeling pre-meet (I referenced this in a post I made a few days ago). Normally, if I were feeling the butterflies in the stomach and have doubt creep into my mind, I’d not eat enough. However, for this meet, I ate. And ate and ate. In fact, I ate ice cream and cookies the night before the meet. I had a great breakfast before weighing in. I snacked in between my lifts and brought along food to eat when the event was over. That night, we all went out to dinner and I had ice cream and cake and didn’t think about macros or anything of the kind. I knew (and still know) that I need to gain weight, so why not JUST EAT?!
This was the biggest win by far. Making new personal bests in lifts on the platform are grand and great. But challenging a food fear and taking one step closer towards full recovery is an even bigger personal gain.
So what’s next? I’m committing to training with a new program and coach to get up to that 49kg class (and then possibly 55kg!). I am also committing to eating a base meal plan and challenging myself with fear foods. Truth be told, this will be a hard process. I am instituting new behaviors and having to ignore the ED voice that wants to keep me ill. But I am envisioning the future. I am seeing myself conquer these goals and overcome these obstacles. And life is grand.