My Addiction

I am quickly becoming addicted.

I am addicted while making breakfast.

I am addicted before bed.

I am addicted in my car.

I am addicted.

During the many stints I had in out and inpatient eating disorder treatment, I always looked for daily motivational blurbs or videos to read and watch to quiet down the ED voice that berated me for eating a cookie or not running 10 miles.

Google search “eating disorder recovery” and a whole mess of articles and YouTube clips automatically populate.  Some are great, some are not.  And among the number of vloggers and authors espousing their recovery wisdom on the interwebs, within the past year (or few months???) I found two that I absolutely love and am addicted to.

Tabitha Farrar.

Rebecca Leung.

Just to get this straight, I’m no stalker (ha ha).  I just really love their brutal honesty and transparency regarding how difficult finding true recovery really is.

Tabitha’s YouTube videos are very short, minimal and in-your-face.  She doesn’t spend a lot of time sugar-coating anything–I love her blunt nature and much of what she says is entirely true.  How do I know that?  Because when she talks about topics that make me internally bristle (i.e. not being vegan in recovery), I know Farrar is hitting a spot the ED doesn’t want me to see…so that means I should definitely listen to her.  Besides her videos, Tabitha also keeps up a great blog and wrote three books on ED recovery.  Every night I end up reading parts of her books, partly because I find them so informative but also because I’m hoping that the information I read before bed will seep into my brain and consciousness…and in turn, the more I surround myself with recovery thoughts, the more inclined I’ll be to DO recovery without the ED trying to distract me.

Rebecca doesn’t have any books out (but maybe she will???), so I end up watching her YouTube videos.  Over and over again.  ;-). Why?  Well, besides them being wonderfully edited (which makes them very entertaining to watch), she also doesn’t sugar-coat anything but instead uses food challenges as a way to battle her own ED behaviors (and also inspire those watching these clips).  The videos about her doing a “My boyfriend picks what I eat” challenge are inspiring, but what I really love about Leung is her vitality amidst battling a serious illness–she is not afraid to dance around and be silly, yet she is also quick to state when ED-produced anxiety starts to rear its’ ugly head.  Her videos show what true recovery really is like, a series of ups and downs and struggles and triumphs.

The more I sit here and type about my addiction, the more I realize…maybe deep down, I like reading Tabitha’s books and watching Rebecca’s videos because I know that I am not quite there yet.

I know that if I had to eat a burger and cake everyday for five days like Rebecca I’d freak out…but doing that action is something I probably should try.

I know that if I had to eat without any restraint and not worry about where my weight would end up like Tabitha I’d freak out…but doing that action is something I probably should try.

I know that true recovery IS possible, because I see these two wonderful ladies living it out.

Who do YOU find inspiring in your eating disorder treatment?  Please share and comment!

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