Dear 2020

Dear 2020,

You are here!  You are new!  New!!  A new year, a new decade, a new beginning, a new promise of wonder and love and light.

But…I have to ask.  Are you REALLY new?  Will today and all the days thereafter be drastically different than the three hundred and sixty-five days preceding them?  Is the newness of 2020 contingent on my making a resolve to DO SOMETHING fresh and clean and new?  Do I really need to make a resolution to you??

Yesterday for a brief second, I thought about making a resolution.  My husband and I were driving in the car, and the thought popped into my head that maybe I should make a resolution since you, 2020, will be the start of a new decade.  My dear hubby never makes these types of resolves, and so when I asked him if he was making one for you, 2020, he just looked at me with that half-smile and uttered, “Uh, no.”

Then I started thinking that if I were to make a resolution, what would be a good one?  Even with my left-brained mind, I hate boxed-in thinking or structured, formulaic ideals that state how I must have THIS ONE DISTINCT STARTING POINT IN TIME to begin implementing a resolve.  I mean, why not just do it now?  Why, 2020, are you so special?

And after even more thinking, I came up with a response:  the answer to why you are so special, 2020, is that I think you provide a sense of hope.  People who have had their ups and downs all throughout 2019 can look to you and think, “Ah, HERE IT IS.  2020!!  It is the promise of a new beginning, the reminder that there is still time to improve and make my life great.”

And that is fine.  Hope is a great thing to have and embrace.  There were times this past year when I saw you, 2020, as a promise of hope, and God know that I needed your promise to get me through.  There were moments when I’d cry into my pillow because of frustration and anger, and other times I’d hide my head in fear because I was so lost and confused. There were times I just prayed to God that I could hang on until January because I felt unable to do anything else.  Even though I intellectually knew I had the ability to change those dark situations to ones of light, in the moment, I was lost on how to do so.  And so the ticking of the clock to a new decade gave me some semblance of hope, some idea that JUST WAIT UNTIL 2020, AND I WILL BE OK AND EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT FINE IN THE END.

And although you did provide that ray of hope for me during those dark moments, 2020, it breaks my heart to say it, but I know you will NOT always be rainbows and sunshine.  There will be instances when people (or even I) will hate you, will cry to you, will wish they could go back to 2019.  You are a promise, 2020, but not a promise that will always leave me with that warm fuzzy feeling all day, every day, for the next twelve months.

But what you do do, 2020, is show me this truth:  life will always continue moving forward, and every second that goes by is another opportunity to move forward towards God’s plan and purpose.  The life have now may not be what I imagined (I always dreamed I’d be a famous published writer–sadly, this is not true), nor is it always pleasant and easy (one simple word:  motherhood.  Motherhood is TOUGH).

BUT IT IS LIFE.

Life.  LIFE!!!  Life is an opportunity to worship and praise and build relationships and experience the world.  And the greatest gift, 2020, is that this life, this moving forward, this progression is not contingent on me making a new year’s resolution.  It will just happen.  In fact, it’s happening right now, as I type this.  And there is an assurance that the life I live IN CHRIST is more glorious and wonderful than any life I could possibly live without Him.

So thank you, 2020.  Thank you for giving me the hope when I needed it and the assurance that there is more to do in these upcoming 365 days.  Thank you, 2020.

 

With greatest love,

Lauren

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